googlehomo:

why is “fuck you” an insult like hell yea fuck me fuck me hard

pornstarparkchanyeol:

knock knock

here comes my cock

commanderinqueef:

today at the park some guy broke his ankle and one of the people said “give him some lettuce” and everyone just stared at him for like 7 seconds until he said “I meant ice”

meganski23:

I honestly just remembered this story but my neighbour runs a hotel with a library where they have a “take a book, leave a book” policy and one day he went into the library to find that the shelves had been completely cleared out, nothing was left except for one little thing.

What was left behind, you ask?

A single copy of The Book Thief.

dudeitslarry:

aarontveitsbuttocks:

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

oomshi:

WHY IS GAY MARRIAGE EVEN AN ISSUE

BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES

that can be taken one of two ways but both are accurate

worldwar2chainz:

the CEO of abercrombie didn’t really do a good job at marketing to cool kids because i don’t really like their stuff

niallhortonhearsawho:

a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST